So I’ve missed my deadline

That’s right. I was supposed to release my 9th chapter yesterday. For the first time in 9 months I’ve missed it.

For the last month I’ve had more time to myself than ever in my entire life, so it stands to reason I should get more writing done. The irony and unfortunate truth is that – at least concerning recovering from a broken collarbone – it is the opposite.

Never in my life have I been less motivated and more depressed than recently. Don’t get me wrong this is not a sob story or a pity party; moreso just a PSA to raise awareness of what I have discovered, which is:

Inaction breeds inaction

Staying at home doing nothing and eating a lot (for whatever reason) fucks with your mind and almost puts you into a faux depression (not a chemical imbalance) where you do not have the motivation to help yourself or be active.

Almost 5 days a week I sit at home and watch YouTube and streaming TV and often when I try and write it just doesn’t come to me. It’s like my subconscious is actively telling me, “You don’t want to write now.”

So I imagine how it would be like to be someone with a mental illness or physical disability or struggling with unemployment and financial hardship and going through this for years. No wonder there is a cycle of poverty.

Yet people say, “Why don’t they get a job? Why don’t they just be active and lose weight? Why don’t they be healthy?

It’s because part of you that you can’t control wants none of that and hates you whilst it’s happening. You have to quite literally force yourself against what you and your body and your mind want to do to make any kind of progress. And for me it wasn’t that hard because I’m reasonably healthy and have lots of friends and hobbies and interests. What if I didn’t?

In any case. I’m hoping to have my chapter uploaded in the next few days. It’s almost there.

Bear with me, please. This writing shtick ain’t easy.

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